My Immortal?
by D4rkShadows55
Summary: What if we fixed My Immortal to make it good? Well, better. Maybe.
1. Intro

Hello! So, hear me out for a second. My Immortal. The WORST fanfic I have ever read. What if we made it good? I know what you're thinking, 'How would that even work? Is there even hope for that monstrosity?' Probably not. But I was reading it today because I've been hearing so much about it and I got the overwhelming urge to clean it. I want to fix up the spelling errors and fix the redundancy and the huge paragraphs filled with nothing but makeup descriptions and clothes.

 **Hold your ground! Hold your ground! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down, but it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West! We will fix this story!**


	2. Chapters 1-4

DarkShadows55's AN: I do not own any of this story (thank god). All the rights go to their respective owners and such. This story contains cutting yourself and depression.

 **Chapter 1**

 **AN: Special thanks to my best friend Raven (bloodytearz666) for helping me with the story and my spelling. You rock! Justin, you're the love of my depressing life, you rock too! My Chemical Romance rocks!**

 **My name is Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way. I have long ebony hair (that's how I got my name). My hair has purple streaks and red tips that reach my mid-back. I have pale skin and icy blue eyes. I'm a vampire and I possess magical powers. That's why I go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'm in my last year there. I usually do all my shopping at Hot Topic. For example, today I was wearing a black corset with a lacy shawl and a leather miniskirt. I was also wearing black fishnet stockings and my combat boots. I had put on black lipstick and red eye shadow that was complimented by my black eyeliner.**

 **I was taking a walk outside Hogwarts. It was snowing so the sun was covered by the clouds, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps were staring at me so I flipped the off. Preps are what we goths call non-goths. "Hey Ebony!" shouted a familiar voice. I looked up at the direction of the voice. It was Draco Malfoy. "What's up Draco?" I asked. "Nothing. I just wanted to say hey." he said quietly. He looked like he had something on his mind but my friends called me over so I didn't give it much thought.**

 **AN: Is it good? Please tell me! Thanks!**

 **Chapter 2**

 **AN: Thanks to bloodytearz666 for helping me with the chapter! By the way preps, stop flaming my story, okay?**

 **The next morning I woke up and stretched. I opened the door to my coffin and sighed. It was snowing again. I grabbed the flask beside my bed and took a swig of the blood inside. My coffin was a dark color with dark red satin inside the coffin with black lace on the ends. I stretched before taking off my giant MCR (My Chemical Romance) t-shirt I usually wore to bed. I put on a black dress, a pentagon necklace, my combat boots and my fishnet stockings. I put on some earrings and put my hair in a messy bun. My friend, Willow, woke up and grinned at me, opening her forest green eyes. She flipped her waist-length black (with pink streaks) hair as she stood up.**

 **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black miniskirt and pointy high-heeled boots. We helped each other put on our makeup (our usual black lipstick and black eyeliner). "So," Willow leaned in teasingly. "I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday." I looked away nervously. "Yeah, so?" We left the Slytherin common room on our way to the Great Hall for breakfast. "Do you like him? You know, like-like him?" she asked. "No! I don't!" I replied angrily. "Yeah right!" Willow exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. "Hi." he said.**

 **"Hey." I replied.**

 **"Guess what?"**

 **"What?"**

 **"Well, Good Charlotte is having a concert in Hogsmeade." Draco told me. "Oh. My. God! Are you serious? I love Good Charlotte!" Draco put one hand on the back of his hand and looked away. "Well... Do you want to go with me?" A small gasp escaped my throat.**

 **Chapter 3**

 **AN: STOP FLAMING THE STORY PREPS, OKAY? Anyways, thanks to the goth people for the good reviews! Thanks again Raven! Oh yeah, I don't own this or the lyrics to any of Good Charlotte's songs.**

 **On the night of the concert I put on a black leather mini dress with red ripped fishnet stockings and lace-up high heel boots. I threw my lace shawl over my shoulders and straightened my hair. I felt a little depressed so I cut one of my wrists and listened to Good Charlotte. I put on my makeup and took a long drink of the blood in my flask (which the house elves charmed to constantly refill and stay fresh). i walked outside where Draco was waiting in his flying car. He was wearing black skater pants and a Simple Plan t-shirt. Simple Plan was playing in the concert too. He was also wearing a little eyeliner. "Hi Draco." I said in a depressed voice. "Hey Ebony." I climbed into the black car which was a Mercedes-Benz with a license plate that said '666'.**

 **We flew to the concert while listening excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. On the way Draco pulled out some cigarettes and we smoked a bit. When we got there we hopped out of the car and headed towards the front of the stage to the mosh pit. We jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. "You come in cold, you're covered in blood. They're all so happy you've arrived. The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom. She sets you free into this life." sang Joel.**

 **"Joel is so hot." I said to Draco, pointing to Joel as he sung, filling the area around the stage with his voice. Suddenly, Draco looked sad. "What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. "Don't worry Draco! I don't like him better than _you_." I said. "Really?" Draco asked as he put his arm around me protectively. "Really." I said. "Besides, I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary Duff. I freaking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly. After that, the rest of the night was a bash and we had a lot of fun. After the concert we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got some GC shirts. Draco and i crawled back into the Mercedes, but Draco didn't go back to Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into the Forbidden Forest!**

 **Chapter 4**

 **AN: I said stop flaming okay? Ebony's name is EBONY not Mary Sue Okay? Draco is in love with her so much that he is acting different! They knew each other before my fanfic started!**

 **"Draco!" I shouted. "What the hell are you doing?!" Draco didn't answer as he stopped the car on the ground and stepped out. I sat there for a moment before walking out, curious as to what he was doing. "What the hell?" I asked angrily. "Ebony?" he asked.**

 **"What?" I snapped. Draco leaned in close and I looked into his grey eyes, which revealed so much depressing sorrow, and then, I suddenly didn't feel mad anymore. Then, Draco kissed me, passionately. We started to kiss harder as we leaned against a tree, removing each others clothes. And then we had sex for the first time. We had almost finished when Dumbledore burst out of the bushes. "Just what do you think you're doing?"**


	3. Chapter 5-8

A/N: Hello! Sorry I haven't uploaded in a while. School is kicking my ass this year. But enjoy my retelling of My Immortal!

 **Chapter 5**

 **AN: STOP flaming! If you flame that means you're a prep OR a poser! The only reason Dumbledore swore at them was because he had a headache, okay? And on top of that he was mad at them for having sex! P.S. I'm not updating until I get five good reviews!**

 **Dumbledore made Draco and I follow him while he shouted at us angrily. "You fools!" he cried. I started to cry and the tears ran down my pale face. Draco comforted me softly. When we got back to the castle, Dumbledore took us back to his office where Professor Snape was waiting angrily. "I'm sure you're wondering why you're here Professor." said Dumbledore.**

 **"Indeed." Snape said.**

 **"These two were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" Dumbledore said angrily. "Having sexual intercourse, an action that is already frowned upon in any kind of wizarding school but also doing it a place that was already forbidden! Or did the name of the forest itself slip your mind?! You will both be given detention for two weeks! How dare you?!"**

 **"I did it because I love her!" Draco yelled. Everyone was quiet. Snape still looked mad but Dumbledore waved them away. "Very well. You may go to your rooms."Draco and I went downstairs to our dorms. "Are you okay Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. "Yeah, I guess." I lied. I went to the girls' bathroom and I brushed my teeth and my hair. I changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around the edges. When I left the bathroom Draco was standing in front of the bathroom door.**

 **He hugged me. "I love you Ebony. You're beautiful and I love every bit of you." I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be here. "I love you too, Draco." We kissed and said goodnight. After that we reluctantly went back to our separate rooms.**

A/N: Hello again! I just wanted to say that the detention will be briefly mentioned but I don't want to deviate too much from the story. I only put in the detention because, wizards and magic aside, getting off scotch free for having sex is a bit unrealistic. So, on wards to the next chapter!

 **Chapter 6**

 **AN: Shut up preps, okay? P.S. I won't update until you give me good reviews!**

 **The next day I woke up in my bed. I put on a black miniskirt that was ripped around the ends and a matching top with red skulls all over it, with black high heeled boots. I put on two skull earrings and I spray-colored my hair purple. In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal and a glass of blood to drink.**

 **Suddenly someone bumped into me, spilling the blood all over my top. "You've got to be kidding me right now!" I stood up and turned to the person who had bumped into me. I was looking into the face of a pale boy with spiky black hair with red streaks. He was wearing so much eyeliner that it was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick.**

 **He had stubble on his chin. "I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. "T-that's alright. What's your name?" I questioned. "My name is Harry Potter." he mumbled. I was surprised. He didn't wear glasses anymore and his scar was gone. We sat down and talked for a while. Then Draco came up behind us. "Hey Ebony, I have a surprise for you." I smiled and followed hi out of the room.**

 **Chapter 7: Bring Me To Life**

 **AN: Well, okay you guys, I'm only writing this because I got five good reviews. By the way, I won't write the next chapter until I get ten good reviews! Stop flaming or I'll report you! Ebony isn't a Mary Sue okay? She isn't perfect, she's a satanist! And she has problems, she's depressed for Gods sake!**

 **Draco and I held hands as we went upstairs. I waved to Harry as we passed. Misery filled his dark eyes. I guess he was jealous of me and Draco. When we got upstairs we went in his room and locked the door. We started kissing passionately and we took each others clothes enthusiastically. We got on the bed and we started kissing again. Then we started to have sex. All of the sudden I saw a tattoo on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow going through it. On it in bloody letters was the word, Harry!**

 **I was so angry. "You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. "No! No! You don't understand! Let me explain!" Draco pleaded. But it was too late. "No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. I put on my clothes angrily and stomped out. Draco ran out of the room, still naked. I stomped down to the dungeons where Harry was in a class with Snape and some other students. "Harry Potter, you fucking bastard!"**

 **Chapter 8**

 **AN: Stop flaming! If you do then you're a prep!**

 **Everyone in class stared at me and then moved their sights onto Draco, still naked, as he ran into the classroom. "Ebony, it's not what you think!" he cried. My friend Hermione Granger smiled at me in understanding. She flipped her waist length black hair. Hermione changed a lot over the summer. She was kidnapped by Muggles when she was a baby. She recently found out her dad was a vampire and her mom was a witch. Voldemort killed her mother and her father commit suicide because he couldn't live without her. This caused Hermione to become depressed and she wished that she had known them before they died.**

 **"What is going on here?" Snape said coldly. "I can't believe that Draco cheated on me with you, Harry!" I shouted at him. Everyone gasped.**

 **DRACO'S POV**

 **I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire before Ebony but he left me for a girl named Britney, a prep. We were just good friends now.**

 **EBONY'S POV**

 **"I'm not dating Draco anymore!" yelled Harry.**

 **"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the roo and didn't stop running until I got to the Forbidden Forest where I lost my virginity to Draco and started to burst into tears.**

A/N: Hi! I just wanted to say I am so sorry Hermione. Also I own none of this, thank god. I hope you enjoy and I will try to upload sooner than last time.


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